Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
