Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
