Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
