what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
