I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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