I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
