weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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