we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They have beer where we have blood.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
