what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You smell like stripper and shame
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
