i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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