My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
