just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
