You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
