don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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