Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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