I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
