the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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