Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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