Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
