You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
