Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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