For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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