Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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