tell your sister to shave her snatch
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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