normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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