I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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