dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
