I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
