Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
