Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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