My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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