I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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