I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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