are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
