I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
