# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
