party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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