i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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