We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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