matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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