So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
