I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
