Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
