There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
two words: eviction party
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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