ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
