He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
