I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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