Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
