i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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