I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
