Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
