I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
