another moral hangover. fuck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
