He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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