Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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