If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
