You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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