just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
