someone get that fucking seahorse.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
