She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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