standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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