Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
