it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
