smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
