it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
