4 words: hood of his car
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
