booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
