I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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