you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
