...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
