I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just crazy horny about you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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