I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
