covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
