It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I won the penis lottery.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
