3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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