If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
