is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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