I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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