but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
