the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
