please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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