i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
this hospital has no fireball
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
