the condom got lost in my hair
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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