hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
