member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
