fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
is it fun? or sober?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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