So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex on a dog bed..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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