Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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