I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
