my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
